Starting Over..

I had to come all the way outside to get my wifi to work today but I don’t care! I was so excited I just couldn’t wait! I only lost .8 yesterday and was somewhat let down by it. I promised myself I wouldn’t give up and I didn’t. Last night my bf came home from work with subway :(. I caved a lil and ate half of the footlong he brought. I felt terrible and guilty over it considering it was almost 11pm. So I woke up this morning hesitating getting on the scale for fear that my cave would show :(. Well I pushed thru and jumped on and low and behold… I’M DOWN ANOTHER 2LBS!! So happy with myself for sticking to this no matter what. It hasn’t been easy lemme tell ya. I’m great all day long and then for some reason at night all I do is think about eating. Anything and everything that is in the fridge. Has nothing to do with hunger as I’m RARELY actually hungry. I’m just a boredom eater I guess. I will literally sit on the couch watching my favorite movie and not even enjoy it because all I can think about is the bag of milky ways sitting next to me! I’ve been really strong and forced myself to stay away from temptations but I’ve seen that avoiding them almost makes me want them more! Well that’s no good either so I just try to ignore them when they jump in front of me. So far I’ve been really good at it! Again I have to say how proud I am of myself even if nobody else is :p. I know I can do this! I know I can, I know I can!

Only .8 gone off that scale today. I can’t complain! It’s almost a full lb and definitely better than losing nothing or (heaven forbid) GAINING!! I would have totally lost my steam if I had. I need to start getting my cardio in again everyday. I’ve been faithful to my crunches and bicep workouts every night so I’m getting some physical activity in atleast! Which is better than none. I don’t physically feel that I’m gaining and muscle mass but I have to be with as much as I’m lifting every day. In my diet plan building muscle is almost more important that cardio. Muscles burn more fat!! Which is everyones goal I believe lol. I’ve been really awesome at getting my gallon of water in everyday at least. I’m very proud of myself for getting that far!

Today marks day 4 of my endeavor. So far I’ve lost 4lbs. I’m sure it’s mostly been water weight. I’m glad that it’s off my body now I can start losing the real weight! Every pound I lose from here is REAL pounds and not water. I am one that doesn’t care what kind of weight it is as long as the scale is showing a smaller number everyday lol. It is some comfort to me that I’ve shed all the excess water tho. Next week I’ll be starting my dietary supplements. Haven’t decided which ones I want to start yet. Was thinking about starting Alli mostly for it’s “cleansing” abilities. I’ve heard it doesn’t have any caffeine in it which is a good selling point for me. When I take supplements with caffeine I get all shaky and sick to my stomach which is weird with how addicted I am to caffeine lol. I used to take a supplement called Slim-Quick. It’s made specifically for women and it worked amazingly well the last time I was taking it several years ago. I wouldn’t say it “caused” me to lose weight but instead it helped keep cravings, water weight, and things like that under control. It’s the cheaper way to go. I’m also going to start taking a fiber supplement everyday to help with my colon “weight”. Ahem..lol. I’ve also considered taking B-12 supplements for added energy.

It’s safe to say I am on a whole new level of DETERMINATION this time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat and thought.. “man if only I had stuck with it the last time, I’d be at my goal by now and happy”. I do NOT want to be having those same thoughts this time next year. Come next year I’ll have a whole new body and an entirely new mind set! I will no longer be sitting around thinking, “if only I had stuck to it..”. I will be a completely different person this time next year. With a whole new level of confidence and assurance in myself J. I’m looking forward to that day!!

I watched a documentary last night on obese America and people who had lost weight. These people were depressed with no energy and after losing the weight they were like completely different people. Their depression was, for the most part, gone. Their energy levels revamped and their lives were full of health and well being. I long for that kind of confidence in myself. If I want it bad enough I have to make it happen! This is something that I alone am in complete control of! I can decide I’m tired of being fat and make the change myself. I’ve lost almost 50lbs and it’s taken me 2 yrs to do that. As many times as I’ve fallen off the wagon, it’s served to prove to myself that I can at least MAINTAIN my weight loss after the fact. I’ve gained back 3 or 5 vanity pounds all those times that I’ve fallen but never ALL the weight back. Never even close. GO ME! I’ve never gone back to just eating constantly regardless of hunger. I’ve never gone back to letting myself gain 15-20lbs of water weight without notice. I’ve just never let those old ways of eating and being a couch potato creep back in. Thankfully! That gives me heart that when I DO finally reach my goal weight/size, I’ll be able to maintain with little to no difficulty. I’m just hoping I’m not completely obsessed with the number on the scale by then causing myself unnecessary anxiety everyday lol.

I am not depressed or giving up over seeing such a low amount of loss this morning. I know from past experience that tomorrow will probably make up for that with what will seem like a full 2lb loss! I always try to convince my mind that I’ve lost more than I have lol. It’s not harmful to my plan and it actually helps to keep me in check J. I’ve cut out all soda and the only caffeine I indulge in thru the day is my coffee in the mornings. That’s a necessary evil. I cannot even function in the mornings without that and it sets off the day for me to just be in a bad mood all around. I’m a smoker and being without coffee is almost as bad as being without smokes in the morning! Never a good thing. I know eventually, I’ll be able to give up my coffee like I have soda. I’m a sweet tea fanatic and I’ve managed to all but give that up so coffee shouldn’t be too hard. 1 thing at a time lol. I’m not giving that up unless I’m convinced that it’s putting a blocker in my weight loss! That will be the day. Not a moment before then thank you very much :p.

I apologize if my blog posts are lengthy. I’m an avid blogger but find it hard to blog on my “blogger” accnt about my daily life lol. I am far more entertained blogging about losing weight and my journey to my goal J. Keeps me motivated and keeps me moving toward my goal. Every single time I’ve fallen off the wagon, it has been due in large part to losing internet access and being unable to get on BuddySlim!! That should put a skip in Dr. Marcs step lol. Well I believe I’ve kept you all long enough so I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and keeps on getting it dun!!

If anyone has tried this please comment and tell me what your results were and if you liked it

WATER WATER WATER!!! I can’t say enough about it! I decided a few days ago that I was determined to try and get a gallon of water in everyday. Well, it has definitely paid off in major ways! My skin is clearing up *wasn’t expecting that*. I’ve managed to FINALLY get over this damn hump I was on with my weight! This damn 3lbs just kept disappearing and reappearing day after day SO that was all the push I needed to get some water in my system. Now those 3lbs are gone and then some! So happy! Something I’ve known all along would pay off I just could never get myself to actually commit to it. So glad my mind kicked in and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! LOL!

Another lb gone but not forgotten! I shall always remember the struggle you put up little pound :). Altho I shall always remember you, please believe you are NEVER coming back onto this body! LOL! So happy the scale and I are finally starting to get along! Now if all this rain would just stop for once so I could get my steps in! All the inside work outs I can do but not been good at the cardio part lately. Dang it all! Now I wish I still had all my “walk away the pounds” videos lol. I need all the help I can get to shake this booty into gear. The water was one hella positive step in the right direction!

So I’m adding some slim fast shakes to my daily regimen. Instead of eating a breakfast or lunch I just have a shake then a bit of supper at night. Who knows I may just have a shake for supper to for the first week. See if I can kick another 5lbs or so :). 23lbs left until ONEDERLAND!! I know I can do it this time! Nothing standing in my way! Just need a bit of self control and more WATER! Hehe! Bring it on!

I just decided today to check on buddyslim & I’m uber excited that Dr. Marc decided not to close it! I didn’t know what I’d do without this site that I’ve been so attached to! Even if I didn’t post regularly lol. I didn’t realize how much I’ve relied on this site to keep me going on my journey! Thank you Dr. Marc!!

The past couple days I’ve been doing really well! I’m proud of myself! I’m getting ever closer to getting my gallon of water in a day. Up to 88oz today from 44 yesterday. I have an old Subway cup that I’m using to keep track. Helps with the straw. May I say that WATER IS AWESOME!!!?? After only 2 days of gulping down ounce after ounce I’ve managed to lose this 3lbs that kept creeping back up on me. Thank goodness. Hopefully more are on the way. All the water has helped me cut back immensely on my snacking. With some help from my packs of gum I keep safely hidden in my purse for emergencies lol. Helps add some flavor to the bland taste of water after water. As I said, I’m up to 88oz today. I’m not sure if I’ll make it thru the next 40 to get me to my gallon goal but I’m trying. Don’t want to over do it and get bored lol. That’s why I always give up in the end. Just get bored with it.

Haven’t been too good with my exercise this week at all. Can’t get my walks in because of all the damn rain we’ve had the past few days. My weights and crunches have taken a back seat to just life in general. Not like I have a LOT going on. Just got bored with it. There’s that word again lol. Gotta keep going! Focusing on water has really been on a front burner the past few days. Can’t get over how proud of myself I am. Completely cut out soda. That had me feeling shaky and drained yesterday but so far today it’s been pretty good. Had a bad headache last night before bed. Ended the night feeling horribly sick to my stomach and like I was floating. Probably due to my body not being used to so much water lol. Well, hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Got on the scale this morning. Low & behold I’ve managed to gain 3lbs just since yesterday?? Yes, yes I’m a daily weigher lol. I like to stay right on track of my stuff. This way when I start slipping I’ll know right away instead of letting an entire week of slips go by without notice. Hence jumping off the wagon almost entirely lol. Am I gonna let this 3lb gain slow me down? HELL NO! I just know I need to work harder today to stay on track! It’s most generally water weight anyway so I’m really not stressing over it too much. It’s getting close to the end of the month and so almost time for me to start bloating again..sigh. Ahh the life of a woman lol. Only so many days in the month we have to really kick it into gear and lose this weight! After that we are stuck with bloating and water weight for a week. Can be frustrating but somehow we manage to pull thru to the next week just fine :).

I do wish my bf was more supportive. It’s not that he doesn’t support me persay. It’s more that he’s one of those guys that loves me the way I am and doesn’t see that I need to lose any weight at all. I am happy for that but I’m the type that would be more encouraged if he was in my corner. Saying things like, “Did you work out today?”. LOL! Being that he is at work today till 5 and the rest of the house is gone until later this afternoon, I have ample time to get my work out in for the day :). No distractions relating to food!

I noticed yesterday as well, that the center of my day seems to revolve around food time. Breakfast I can do without since I’m never hungry in the morning. It seems that whenever the house is full of people we’re all waiting on some kind of meal. Lunch is another one that there is never anyone here to eat. Now dinner is another story entirely. Everyone is always waiting on supper to be finished. My kids always starving of course at their age lol. So around 4 the house is filled with “when is supper gonna be done??”. Seems that’s the only time we all get to sit down at the table. I’m grateful for our family time, but I honestly wish we’d stay broke so there is no temptations for eating out. And if we had one of those families that never sits down at the dinner table I’d not be inclined to join them for whatever high fat, high cholesterol meal they were indulging on. Scarfing down like little piglets that they are ;).

I’m determined to make this my summer for losing weight!!! Of course I lose weight every summer but not usually enuf to count too much. This year is going to be different! I’m absolutely determined to make it to my goal weight by the end of summer! Or atleast very close! That gives me 3 months to lose 60lbs. Whew that seems like so much but I know I can do it! My will power is great and my absolute need to lose this ish is greater!

Start completely over! Ugh! Well, in all honesty I’m not starting completely over lol. So I’ve gained a little bit of weight back, so what right? I will say it is due in large part, if not entirely, to the medication I’ve been on the past 3 months. I was taking Celexa (an anti-depressant). It has been known to make people gain weight & I guess that was all my mind needed to hear for it to kick into over drive! Seemed like everytime I took my meds I had an urge to just eat all day long! I always had the munchies and the inability to focus on anything for very long periods of time. Now that I’ve stopped taking all of them, I feel more like myself with everyday that passes. I’ve lost 3lbs to date since getting off of all my medications. I think this is definitely a step in the right direction! It’s summer time now & I can just keep moving in that direction if it’s all up to me. Which of course it is :). I have a very understanding boyfriend who loves me for the way I am. In all honesty he doesn’t want me to change at all. This could be due to his own insecurities. He’s afraid perhaps if I lose all the weight that I might find someone else. I could take that as an insult. Saying maybe he wants me to stay fat because he doesn’t think any other guys will want me as long as I’m this way. He’d be wrong of course but I like to play to his ego. Seems like that’s the key to any mans heart lol. I’ve made up my mind that I’m going to give this summer my utmost to lose this weight! Who knows the world may end in 2012 right? LOL! I might as well live it up while I’m living! Like I said, I definitely feel like I’m on the right path to weight loss now. I’ve made up my mind that this is going to be my year! No, I didn’t make any resolutions because I always fail at them. Who needs em lol. Keep my head held up high and I know I will make it!

Soo tired of losing a good amount of weight & then gaining it back grr!  I need to get my head screwed on straight and stop messing around.  Seems like everyday I fail in my weight loss worse than I did the day before that!  It’s a struggle that’s for sure.  I binge out one day then the next I do good..which puts me back on the up and down cycle.. grr.

So they say. Life continues regardless of our own personal struggles. We take so much in life seriously, when there really is no need for it. Then we wake up 1 day & realize it’s all over before we even had a chance. I think the world is moving way to fast. We should take time out to live life & enjoy it to the fullest. A popular saying, “you only live once”. That’s so true. At the same time however, there are so many opportunities that only happen once in our life. I think we should make the most of each opportunity. Too often we get caught up in losing 1 more lb. Or running 1 more mile. I heard a friend say the other day that ever since his wife started this “diet”, she’s made his life a living hell. That made me chuckle. But in all honesty, how important is it to be a size 10? Is it really worth making ppls lives a living hell? Do I have to pass up taking my daughter to chucky cheese simply because its too much temptation for me? She’s not the 1 who’s fat lol. Sorry, just rambling today :). I guess I realized that as soon as I started ‘living’ & stopped worrying about losing weight, something amazing happened. I lost weight! ‘magine that

I know I’ve been working really hard at work lately, but I had no idea it was going to have this many results!  Maybe I should’ve been busting my ass a looong time ago!!  The scale is reporting another 3lbs gone today.  Ok so riddle me this.. why is that everyone else I know LOSES weight when they are stressed but it seems to be the opposite for me??  Could it be that I AM an emotional eater?  After denying such a thing for so long?  I’ve always been the one sitting on the couch saying, “I don’t eat when I’m sad or stressed.. wth is these peoples problems??”.  Well apparently that isn’t me at all!  Since the end of my relationship, & my starting my new “stress free” life, I’ve lost 7lbs!  Hell I can’t complain!  Maybe I should stay single!  LOLz!

I had a really stressful night at work last night.  Which is probably why I busted my ass so much.  Working takes my mind off stress.  I was all caught up on somebody else’s drama.  Shouldn’t have been but I can’t help it.  When you care about someone you kinda tend to feel what they are going thru.  A co-worker of mine is going thru some things with his baby mama & she really puttin him thru hell.  I hate to see him all stressed out so I was letting him dump on me, like I always do.  The more I listened the madder I got for him!  The madder I got, the more involved I got & so the night turned out being extremely stressing on me.  *sigh*  I’m hoping tonight goes so much better.  This is supposed to be a good weekend.  We get a break from our drill sgt charge nurse over the weekend so we tend to “live it up” on these occasions.  Not so much last night.  I can honestly say it was the most stressful night I’ve had when she’s been off.  These nights are usually completely drama & stress free.  It’s always a good time.  REALLY hoping tonight goes better!  Especially because I’m working with my absolute favorite person in the whole world this weekend :(.  I hate to see my friends stressed out.  Grrr.

I miss my roomie :(.  I was soo hoping she was coming home today but the later it gets I think it will probably be tomorrow :((.  She keeps me focused & I was just out of it this morning when I got home.  Normally I’ll fill her in on whats been going on & she’ll yell at me to get my head straight lol.  I need that kind of thing!  I had nothing to do this morning but dwell over it all & finally go to sleep.  I slept later than normal today.  I’m usually up by 3 but I slept till 4:30 today :(.  I love my new sleep patterns that she has me on & I sure don’t want her to have to start all over when she gets home!  So she just txt me to let me know she would be home in the morning.. YAY!!  So excited to hear about her trip & everything!  More excited just to have her back period!  I don’t know where I would be without that gurl I swear!  I got a little bit of stress trying to weasel it’s way back into my personal life right now & I need her here to tell me I’m “doin too much”!!  LOL.  That gurl is something serious & I miss her sooo sooo much!

Well peeps, I need to get off here & get my hair done for work because I hate putting hair & makeup off till the last minute ;-).  I hope I’m back on tomorrow with yet another lose to report